I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
