now i know why i became what i already was.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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