Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
