If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
