I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
