We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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