You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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