Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
