What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
