Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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