Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
