Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
