Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
