jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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