Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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