Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
