im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
