I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
