Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My life is pants optional.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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