I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
