they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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