I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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