also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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