i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
