You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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