matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
