No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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