Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
