I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
