y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
