oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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