he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i now understand why vodka
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
