so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm bleeding and have questions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
