new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
