If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
