I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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