I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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