Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
