There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
