I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
