gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
