Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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