Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
