she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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