i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
