Whod you bang
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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