I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
