im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
