I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
