On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
