I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
